In our culture, sexuality is an interesting phenomenon. We often get our ideas and expectations about sexuality from movies, books, and music – which are all filled with myths about true sexual relating. The continuum ranges from those who repress their sexuality to those who treat sexuality with seemingly no care or importance. Our place on this continuum is influenced by many things: our upbringing, religious beliefs, amount of sexual education, past sexual history, and occurrence of sexual abuse, among others. As a counselor specializing in Christian sex therapy, I use a biblical framework for understanding and addressing sexual concerns. I also use various behavioral and cognitive techniques to gain information, educate clients, and aid in restoring the intimacy we are created to attain.
Through sexual relating, we can experience intimate companionship and meaningful knowing of one another. We can have a sacred, bonding, and transcending experience with our spouse and with God. We can experience fun, playfulness, and exciting anticipation of pleasure. We can create and bring children into the world. While we are all created with the ability to experience sexual intimacy, many different things get in the way of us experiencing sexual wholeness, fulfillment, and integrity.
My work in the field of sex therapy centers on three areas: sexual abuse, sexual dysfunction, and sexual addiction and infidelity. With sexual abuse, something that is designed to be joyful and intimate is made harmful and dirty. There are many possible sexual dysfunctions, and the presence of a sexual dysfunction can be frustrating, divisive, lonely, and create hopelessness. Faithfulness, commitment, and trust are important foundations for a marriage of intimate companionship. These things are broken in cases of sexual addiction and infidelity, introducing a deep level of hurt, betrayal, and anger (among many other emotions). However, in the midst of working through these varying difficulties, hope and freedom can be found. Intimacy can be restored. Enjoyment and happiness can be felt again. Often, people report feeling closer to their spouses and to God, with a better understanding of the past and present parts of their story, than they did before working through the suffering. Don’t wait to experience the healing and redemption possible for all of us.